


The braver one

by FarahDowlingSilva



Category: Fate: The Winx Saga (TV)
Genre: 1x03 missing scene, Episode: s01e03 Heavy Mortal Hopes (Fate: The Winx Saga), F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, romantic feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:01:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29489451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FarahDowlingSilva/pseuds/FarahDowlingSilva
Summary: They were silent, enjoying each other's company for maybe the last time, until the ringing of her phone broke the peace of the night. Then came the moment she dreaded, the moment she had to admit...That was it.OrSet during 1x03: Heavy Mortal hopes:Ben, Farah and Saul's reaction when they realise the wrong Burned One was killed.
Relationships: Farah Dowling & Saul Silva, Farah Dowling/Saul Silva
Comments: 61
Kudos: 109





	1. Let me be brave

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!
> 
> So this is my first ever fanfic on AO3, I hope you'll like it!  
> This was written in an hour or so, I decided to post it now before I talk myself out of it.  
> No Beta, all mistakes are my own!
> 
> Disclaimer:
> 
> I do not own these characters, they belong to their rightful owners. But I do own everything/everyone you don't recognise.
> 
> Enjoy!

Her phone ringing was the first thing to break their peaceful silence. They had been quiet for what seemed like hours, sipping their drinks. The two men sitting at the table and Farah leaning on a pillar, looking at everything but Saul. She immediately picked up seeing it was Marco and the tension of the day seemed to leave her. If he called he was certainly about to give her -them- much needed good news. She put it on speaker.

"Marco?" Farah asked her voice filled with hope, Ben and Saul turned to her.

"Sorry we couldn't reach you sooner, we got it an hour ago. How's old man Silva doing?" Marco asked, his voice betraying his probably well hidden exhaustion.

Farah's face fell. The pressure that had been lifted up her shoulders came crashing down back again. Time stood still. She couldn't speak, could barely breath, her heart was breaking with every beat it took, her mind kept repeating the same thing over and over again: _there were more than one_. Saul had been hurt by another Burned One and it was all _her_ fault. She should've killed it when she had the chance, Saul was right -as he always was in those matters- and she had failed him. She had failed the person that mattered most to her.

It was him who spoke first. "Thank you, Marco. You just proved my point: there's more than one Burned One." His tone was light, as if he was trying to ease Marco's pain, ease their pain.

"What?" Came Marco's broken answer. "Alright, Nora! It was the wrong one, we need to go back."

"No," Saul's voice came out strong. "Thank you, Marco, but you need to head back to the school-" The young graduate seemed to want to reply but Saul cut him off. "That's an order. My final one." The line went silent and Marco took a breath.

"Sorry, Silva." Saul seemed to give a weak smile. "It's alright, you did your best." And Farah hung up.

Her throat was tight, her vision blurry, she put her phone back in her pocket and took a shaky breath, closing her eyes and opening them quickly. She looked at Saul without looking at him, she couldn’t bare to see his unnaturally darkened eyes. Not when it was her fault they lost their spark. Hers and hers alone.

Ben cleared his throat. "Sorry, Saul." Was all he could manage to croak out.

"You did your best, Ben, thank you for everything." Saul assured, his eyes empty. He turned slowly to Farah, his best friend, his forever friend, _his_ fairy. "Farah" Was all he had to say for she knew, she just... _knew_.

"I will. Don't worry, I'll take care of Sky." And she would. She would take care of Sky, of their school, of their students... she'd do it all, without him. She'd carry on, head held high in front of students who knew to a certain degree how close the Headmaster and Headmistress had been and she'd cry in her office, alone. Not giving a damn anymore because she would know no one would see, no one would know. No one would open her office door at midnight and ask what was wrong, no one would dare... except him. She would give lesson after lesson, trying to push him to the back of her mind, trying to fil the void that their bond would create. _The bond_ , she closed her eyes. That would take a lot of getting used to: not feeling his presence in the back of her mind, not feeling his smile or his mental hugs. No she wouldn't feel that anymore, the last thing she would get from him would be his last breath, his last heartbeat. Farah knew she'd be heartbroken forever but she also knew she'd stay a figurehead, for Ben, for Sky... _For Saul_. She'd make sure Sky and Ben would continue. Would make sure Sky continued training with Saul's morals. With Saul's honour.

But _without_ Saul. 

Without his presence, without his advice, without his firm hand, without his pride.

She'd make sure her best friend was remembered although she knew he wouldn't like that. But that would be the only 'selfish' thing she'd do. Have them -Make them- all remember him too; their headmaster, their teacher, their mentor. They would remember strong, firm Headmaster Silva. Perhaps Sky, Terra and Sam would remember 'Uncle Saul' from time to time but Farah knew deep down they would all remember the teacher. All of them. She, however, would remember Saul Silva, the specialist she met on her first day at Alfea. The one that pretended to know where everything was even though he was as lost as she was. The one that saved her life countless times, the one that became her best friend. The one that made her laugh and smile and blush and cry. The one she failed. Her specialist, her forever 'what if'.

 _What if_. What if she had been willing to put their close bond on the line? What if one of them had been braver? What if she dared to kiss him that night all those years ago? Perhaps they would've never worked... but not working was better than not knowing at all like she would now. Deep down she knew he must've felt something for her once upon a time: when touches were constant and discreet, when hands lightly touched her back, when jokes and compliments were less hidden and less far apart, when blushes came more easily to her and when her facade dropped faster. Once upon a time, they could've been. But they never were and never would be. A tail of a Specialist and his Fairy; the love story that never happened...could be a great novel if she wrote it...

Lost in her thoughts, Farah didn't feel him get closer, her head was turned to the side and she could feel tears filing her eyes. A gentle hand came to rest on her shoulder.

"Ben, could we have a moment, please?" Saul asked quietly, his eyes not leaving his fairy's face. Farah heard Ben's chair move and the Earth Fairy mumbled a small "Sure" before his footsteps faded away quickly.

"Farah" His voice was soft, gentle, caring, had she not known him like she did, she would've never known he was in pain, never, but she _knew_ him and she _felt_ his pain just like _she_ felt _him_. "What about you?" He asked, almost in a whisper. They were standing so close together, she felt his heavy breath but still refused to look at him, to admit and see what had been done because of her. Because she was so goddamn stubborn. Because she wanted to know if it was just a fluke. Because she _hadn't_ listened.

"What about me?" Farah repeated, blinking away tears, forcing herself to be a figurehead.

"Will _you_ take care of yourself?" It was so like him. He wanted to make sure she'd be okay, she should say yes, should say she'd be fine, she would carry on but God she couldn't. The words wouldn't leave her lips, she wanted him to know she'd somehow be okay when she would never be okay. Never. Not without him. Not alone. "Farah, look at me." Saul requested gently. She turned her head and her eyes fell on his shoulder, she wasn't looking in his eyes.

Wouldn't.

_Couldn't._

He took gently hold of her chin and forced her eyes to meet his. He hated to see her like that, in pain because of him. Her brown orbs watered, she took a shaky breath. "I'm sorry." Saul breathed out. And the first tear came out, then the second and the third and soon tears were running down her cheeks. He brought his forehead to hers.

"I'm the one who's sorry." Farah said, wiping away tears that were soon replaced by newer ones, her right hand coming up to his shoulder. "I should've listened to you, should've killed it and I shouldn't have let you go alone."

"I wasn't alone. I was surrounded by an army. You couldn't have known, it's not your fault, Farah." Saul comforted her. "I might not know much but I know this: none of this is your fault, you didn't free the Burned One. Don't blame yourself, please. If this is the last time I ever give you an advice, for once listen to it."

Farah shook her head, sadly. "This is so unfair. There's so many things I wish I'd said, so many things-" Farah began a strangled sob cutting her off.

"Hey, hey, don't." Saul caressed her cheek, brushing away some of her tears and looking deeply into her eyes. "All in all I think we've had a great run. I couldn't have asked for a better partner, for a better _friend_. Putting you and I together was probably the best thing Rosalind ever did." He brought his face down and gently kissed her forehead. "Don't regret this. I don't. We went through so many things together, we lived through so so many good things. Look at this school-" He waved one of his arm. The other one looped around her waist, holding her, supporting her. "WE built this school. You and I. A Fairy and her Specialist. Farah _and_ Saul." Tears were streaming down his cheeks too. Farah wiped them away, taking shaky breaths. She was leaning so hard on that pillar she thought it would collapse.

"A Fairy and her Specialist." Farah repeated, sniffing. Saul brought her close and hugged her gently. If he was going to die, he would do so making sure she knew how much he cared for her, how much he loved her. He'd have done that a long time ago, had he been braver. "I don't think I can do this without you, Saul. The school, the students... I don't think I'm strong enough."

"That's not true, Farah. You're stronger than you think, you're the strongest person I have ever known." Saul said, rubbing her cheek. "Come on, don't cry. We'll meet again, just make sure it's not soon, alright?" His attempt at making her smile worked slightly. She even gave him a small chuckle. But the light phrase held a real meaning: _Don't get yourself killed, don't be reckless Farah, please._ "I'm serious, though, don't be reckless. I would never want you to die because I died." Farah nodded. "Promise me, Farah, promise me you won't do something stupid, if you don't do it for yourself then do it for-"

"The school?" She cut him off, trying to get him to finish his sentence quicker, she still wouldn't admit he was going to die, couldn't plan tomorrow without him.

Saul shook his head. "For me." He swallowed hard. "Farah, there's something I should've told you long ago and I'm not sure I want to tell you now. I-I don't want to burden you but I think you already know and I wonder if a sort of confirmation would hurt less than 'what ifs'."

Farah held her breath as he struggled to form words, his pain growing as each minute passed. "I-You...You know I... care more than I could ever say... I..."

"I know. I know, Saul. You don't need to say it." _But please say it_ , she thought, _please_. God she wanted to hear him say he loved her, say he felt something for her more than friendship, say she hadn't been imagining things. _Make it real, just this once_. Farah sighed softly, pushing it all away, resting a hand on his cheek. "I guess we were never meant to be." She'd be the strong one again, the one bringing reality back to them, the one putting duty before self, like she did so many times before.

"Or just too dumb." Saul offered, she shot him a playful glare and raised an eyebrow. "On my count. You wouldn't manage to be dumb even if you tried." He smiled softly at her, they stayed like that for forever, holding onto each other, caring for each other, _loving_ each other, _just this once_. Then Saul cleared his throat. "I should go see Sky." Farah nodded and stepped back. The spell was broken. Reality returned and duty followed.

"You should." Saul nodded back at her and kissed her cheek, his lips warm and familiar. Once again she wondered how it would've felt waking up to his lips on hers every day for years, they would've had it all... had they been brave enough.

"You still won't let me take your pain, will you?" Farah half-asked half-stated as he stepped away.

"Not after you passed out doing it yesterday, no." Saul chuckled painfully. "Don't forget, Farah; everything I didn't say."

"And you don't forget what I didn't say either." Farah called after him as he left. His heavy footsteps slowly faded. Soon she was all alone. Again. Forever this time. "Don't forget, Saul, I loved you, love you and always will... doesn't matter where you are..." She spoke to no one, the wind would carry her words to him and it did. She felt him smile at the back of her mind. Returning her words in the form of a comforting embrace through their bond. Farah let one more tear fall, not bothering to wipe it away, it ran down her neck and fell on the collar of her coat and she didn't care. These were not the first tears she cried for him. These were not the last. Now she remained alone in the cold night air, the wind passing through her hair. She poured herself a shot and drained it immediately.

Perhaps he would have been with her.

Had one of them been braver.

 _She_ _should've been braver._


	2. Duty before self

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Burned One that infected Saul has been killed, the headmaster will live.  
> Farah has to make a difficult choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!
> 
> I don't own these characters, they belong to their rightful owners. I do own every storyline you don't recognise!
> 
> No beta, all mistakes are mine!

Farah walked away from her fairies, she could hear them whispering to each other and she couldn't help but smile, she was proud. Proud of the work they had accomplished but the girls and Sky had broken the rules and they needed to be punished. But punishment could wait a while, at least until sunrise for the Headmistress had much to do indeed. And surprisingly seeing Saul wasn't at the top of her list.

She was scared that he would die, so scared she practically said everything out loud, consequences be damned, she deserved it. They deserved it. But now Saul was alive and all the things that prevented her to say what she felt were too. She loved the man she really did but she was still the headmistress and he the headmaster. All in all it was extremely inappropriate for them to have feelings for each other and even worse to be in a relationship. It might not work, their trust might be broken and they would have to work together every day. See each other every day. They would be uncomfortable around each other and the students would certainly see it, notice it and then they would feel the tension. Her students -their students- couldn't go through that, they couldn't go through to that because of her. No, Farah decided, she had been right before, she was the headmistress of Alfea, her students' happiness came before hers. Her duty was to teach them in the best environment possible how to control their magic and the best environment wasn't one where the headmaster and headmistress couldn't spend more than two seconds together because they tried to act on feelings that weren't strong enough. That weren't good enough. Because _she_ certainly _wasn't good enough_. No, Farah decided, once again, duty before self.

Her legs carried her to her office and she opened the door with a flick of her wrist. Her coat was thrown on one of the sofas and she went to sit behind her desk. Then she locked her door with a simple raise of hand and did what she did best; buried herself in paperwork. And there was a lot.

Over the past few days since Silva had been attacked she couldn't bring herself to write or sign anything for their school because she knew that the next day she could very well be doing the same but for _her_ school. Hers alone. Because he could've been gone. Now that worry was long gone, he would live to see another day, he would live to help Ben tease her furthermore, he would live and still be her best friend. Her best friend, nothing less, nothing more. Farah shook her head and pushed the thought away, now wasn't time to think about that, she had ran away. She made the decision, she was the one blocking him out of her mind, the one stopping him from using their bond, the one locking him away. Because the further he was, the less what she - _what they_ \- needed to do would hurt. Had she not been headmistress, had he not been headmaster, had things been less complicated perhaps the first thing she would have done would have been to run see if she had indeed killed the Burned One that infected him, even though she already knew, she could already feel through their bond his pain slowly fade. But she was headmistress, he was headmaster and things were complicated.

She was scared, scared that when they confessed without their eyes and their clumsy words he had just been trying to ease her pain, that he loved her like a sister, like a best friend, but that he had never been and never would be attracted to her in such manner. She knew he could've, he really though he would die and it was so like him to care more about others than himself. She trusted him, yes, but she knew he would have said anything to make her promise she'd keep going, perhaps even confessing a non-existent deep love for her. Farah shook her head again, no he wouldn't do that. He wasn't like that... right? Of course he wasn't, she had known him for years, he would never confess if he didn't share her feelings to some extent... but then again he didn't fully confessed. Perhaps she heard what she wanted to hear, perhaps his 'you know I care' had been a simple 'you're my best friend and I care about you'. Perhaps. And perhaps she was making it all up, perhaps she was just scared but scared had been her problem for years, decades. Scared had been her problem since their shared 'half-drunk' kiss in Second Years. She was scared. So scared. She longed for 'What ifs' and 'What could be' but she also dreaded them. She was afraid the relationship she imagined would turn out less perfect than what her dreams showed her, she was afraid it would all go terribly wrong and they would end up hating each other. That thought alone she couldn't bear, she would rather be his friend for another two decades than be his lover for two weeks. Because she knew she couldn't _live_ without him in her life.

Because there was no Farah Dowling _without_ Saul Silva near her.

Farah chuckled drily, hadn't it been her, a mere hour ago, that was thinking about how they could've been so much happier had one of them been braver? And here she was, telling herself how scared she was. Letting her fears stop her from getting what she wanted, from being happy. What was she afraid of anyway?

Before Farah could even try to answer that, her door moved. Someone was behind it. First they tried to open it but noticed it was magically locked. Then a soft knock came, followed by another and another and she knew. It was _him_.

Farah dropped her unused pen, she really didn't need this right now. Not now. Not when her defenses were so broken that he could see through every crack and find everything he didn't love, couldn't love, _wouldn't_ love. That's what she was afraid of: _losing him_.

He knocked again, she could see his shadow, see his hand still, hovering above her door. Her eyes turned blue and she built more walls, stopping their bond furthermore. His hand dropped, her heart stopped.

"Farah?" It was quiet, painfully so, it cut through the heavy silence. He knew she was in, and she knew that. His voice betrayed how tired and drained he felt, he should be sleeping but he went to her. She felt guilty. "Farah, please..." He sighed heavily, his head resting on the door, his eyes closed, he tried once again to reach her. "Farah, I know you're in here. Please open the door, let's talk." Farah remained quiet. "God, Farah!" He banged his hand on the door. She flinched. He sighed, no way she was letting him in now. "Farah, please, we need to talk, don't push me away." He sounded desperate now. "Farah..." He started but seemed to think his statement would be unnecessary, useless. Her silence, her ignoring him convinced him of everything he hoped wasn't true. _You don't love me as much as I love you,_ he thought. "Let's just forget our conversation ever happened tonight, um?" He voice was quiet, gentle, it held no bitterness but there was something in it, she didn't know what, that sent shiver through her spine. Footsteps echoed, they slowly faded and just like that the quiet of the night returned. Farah sighed, she wasn't that hard to _let go_.

She threw a stack of papers on the floor, they flew and she banged her hands on her desk, letting out a strangled sob. She barely heard the door from her secretary's office to the hallway opening and closing, she didn't care. Didn't give a damn anymore, she had just made the biggest mistake of her life. She chose. _Duty before self_. Tears kept falling, sobs left her throat before she could ever try to stop them. Farah didn't care about anyone hearing her, nobody was here anyways. Not even _him._ She shook her head, any other day she'd have stopped herself from crying, she'd have forced herself to be a figurehead but not now. Not about this. She was allowed to cry right now. Allowed to _care_.

Because She wasn't that hard to let go.

_And He was so hard to forget._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> So, this was a sad chapter.  
> Will Farah and Saul ever make it? Will they get together?


	3. Letting go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Farah contemplates her choices and regrets them ever so slightly.

They barely talked since that night, looks were still exchanged but they lacked their usual warmth, hands didn't touch and words were spoken only if need be.  
They lasted days like that, barely glancing at each other, his voice cold and firm whenever he spoke to her and hers equally so. Days, she thought it would only last a few days. She was wrong. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months and months into two. And none of them spoke of any matter that wasn't related to the students or the school. It was unbearable, the feeling of emptiness she dreaded when he was infected by the Burned One, and could die any moment, would have been better than the one she felt now. There wasn't quite a void in the back of her mind, but it wasn't a filled space either, there was like a closed door and she didn't try much to open it, couldn't. She didn't want to feel his rejection.

In the end she had wanted to protect him - _protect them_ \- shield him from any bits and pieces of her that he wouldn't like but she had done exactly the opposite. She had showed him a part of her she didn't even know existed, a side she feared, a side forged by Rosalind. She pulled away because she didn't want their students to be affected by an eventual break up, didn't want them to feel uneasy because she and Silva couldn't stay together more than two minutes. But now her students still were affected, none of them were blind; they could see that something was wrong between their headmistress and headmaster but none asked, they wouldn't dare. Now she was affected too, she missed him, missed her friend, she closed the door, yes, but he didn't give her much of a choice, he locked the door in one night and it hurt. It hurt her so much to see how easily he could let her go. Farah sighed, it was all her fault, hers only. She was the one to blame, the one to hate, the one that let go first. She was the one that was too scared to be happy, he had been brave, she had been weak. But now she knew, she had been wrong two months ago; had one of them been braver it wouldn't have mattered. They both needed to be brave. And she wasn't. She was scared of losing him, losing his friendship, did all she could not to... and failed. In the end she lost everything because after all these years it was still duty before self.  
Still the Otherworld before him. And she hated herself for that. Hated herself for not being strong enough to let him and risk getting hurt.

There was a small knock on her door and before she could speak the door opened, Ben came in and she was relived. She forced a smile. Ben walked to her desk, he sighed, sitting in front of her.

"You, my dear Farah, look awful." The earth fairy said.

"Hello to you too, Ben." Farah teased but her voice lacked the usual playfulness it carried when she teased her friend, she started playing with her pen, nervously. "Did you want something?"

"Just to talk..." The man trailed off.

Farah raised an eyebrow. "About?" She inquired.

"You and a certain specialist-" Farah stood up as if already dismissing him but Ben wouldn't have it. "Farah, you need to listen to me-"

"Do I?" Farah asked, moving to pour herself a glass of whiskey.

"Yes, you and Saul have been friends for years, you've flirted for decades and when he's about to die and miraculously lives you give up! Goodness you two! How can two clever people be so dumb and oblivious around each other?" Ben threw his hands up in the air. That was new, he was usually calm and collected, not one to act like this. Farah remained quiet, her glass forgotten on the table beside her, and Ben softened seeing the pained expression she wore. "Farah, whatever happened that night -and don't tell me otherwise, something did happen- you can still _fix_ it. You two were inseparable, best friends, closer than anyone else, you smiled and laughed and cried together and hurt together. When you were in pain he desperately wanted to fix it and when he was in pain you wanted to do the same. You are both hurting, please, please, try and fix it before one of you really ends up getting hurt." Ben begged, he hated to see his friends hurting each other.

"Too late for that I'm afraid, Ben." Farah said matter-of-factly. She walked to the window and looked outside at the training grounds where the First Years specialists were having a lesson with Silva. Her eyes found him and she followed his every move longingly.

"It's never too late. Not when there's love involved." Ben replied gently, he stood up and joined Farah in front of the window. "It's never too late until there's only one of you left, Farah, remember that." Ben squeezed her shoulder and walked toward her door, he turned one last time. "He still loves you, you know that?" If Ben wanted an answer he didn't wait for it, the door closed behind him and Farah turned back to the window. She caught Silva seemingly glancing at her office window and couldn't help but smile, perhaps he didn't let go that easily after all and perhaps she wanted to and would open the door this time. Perhaps all hope wasn't lost. 'It's never too late not when love's involved' as Ben said. And there was definitely love on her part.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The following night, Farah sat at her desk, it was well past midnight, all students were in their rooms and, hopefully, asleep but she wasn't fully counting on that. The night was cool, the wind blowing softly against Farah's windows. Stars were shining bright, it was a perfect evening, if one had a perfect life. She didn't. Not for lack of trying, she had tried to talk to Silva a few nights ago but he had pushed her away and when she cornered him the next day a specialist came running in, asking for his immediate assistance.

Farah signed off another request for something that Ben regularly made, she didn't know what he was talking about but she had stopped asking a long time ago. Her mental health depended on it.

There was a soft knock on her door, making her jump. Then the first knock was followed by another one and another. Three knocks. Farah dropped her pen, she opened her mouth to reply but the words wouldn't form, after all those weeks, he was at her door and she was quiet like the last time. She knew how it would sound, and she saw his shadow start to move away. She stood up without realising it and made her way to the door as he disappeared from her line of sight, she opened the door quickly.

"Wait!" Farah called after him. Silva stopped, his back facing her. Farah took a deep breath. "Come in," She said as he slowly turned around to look at her. After what felt like an eternity he nodded and mentioned for her to go first. She did and he followed close, closing the door behind them. Farah led him to the couch and sat across from him. She looked down, refusing to meet his eyes. A long silence followed, it wasn't awkward but not pleasant and comfortable either. She didn't like it, it made her nervous, _he_ made her nervous. She played with her skirt, smoothening it again and again. Finally she gathered the courage to speak. "Wh-What did you need?"

Silva looked up at her dazzled as if he had forgotten his motive. He frowned. "Ben said you asked to see me."

"I didn't. And I wouldn't go through Ben to-" Farah cut herself off realisation hitting her like a brick wall. Ben. "Ben" They both said at the same time, and Farah couldn't help but laugh, Silva followed suit. The atmosphere relaxed and the air wasn't so thick anymore.

Silva smiled slightly at her and she couldn't help but shyly smile back. But the smile quickly faded into his stern face again and he sighed deeply before standing up. "I should leave you to it then, Miss Dowling, you seem..." He trailed off, eyeing her desk filled with papers. "...busy."

"I am." Farah nodded and her eyes followed his movements as he came to a sudden stop very close to her. For a single moment she thought he would kiss her but she quickly pushed the thought away. He rested a hesitant hand on her shoulder and squeezed it lightly, comfortingly.

"You should call it a night." He said simply, not bothering to wait for a reply he knew wouldn't come. But as he closed the door Farah smiled, part of him still cared, that was that.  
It was a good start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> Hope you liked this chapter!   
> The end is near, will Farah and Saul fix their broken friendship and grow to become something more?


	4. Behind closed doors is my love, waiting for you forever and ever...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Farah contemplates her and Saul's broken friendship. It's easy to see that she'll never be anything more than 'Miss Dowling' now, it's the end of a great bond...
> 
> ...but is it really?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer:
> 
> I do not own these characters, nor do I own anything you recognise. I do own, however, any storyline you don't recognise.

The days that followed were nicer, lighter, Silva and Farah weren't as close as they used to be but some things had changed since the last time students saw them together, the tension between the two was still there but every now and then a gentle word would be said by one of them, a compliment of each other's skills or even occasionally a small smile. Farah longed for days like that, days when she could practically forget the pain and heartache that their love - _her love_ \- had caused.

The heartache _her fear had caused_.

Farah and Silva seemed to now be able to stand around each other for more than two minutes which was better than nothing. Their friendship though still wasn't as comfortable as it used to be. Quite frankly, although, their relationship had improved in the past few days Farah and Silva still found it extremely difficult to act as if nothing ever happened and Farah had come to terms with the fact that she'd forever remain ' _Miss Dowling_ ' to Silva. She'd have to live with that, after all it was her fault. She had been the one to close the door.

_She regretted it dearly now_.

It was dark again, Farah had taught classes all day and she was now in her office, after hours -her name was still Farah Dowling-, grading some of her students' essays. Her window was slightly opened, letting the soft wind blow in, her door was closed and a cup of tea sat next to her, at a safe distance from the essays. Her eyes went back to the paper she was reading, it mentioned the bond between a fairy and a specialist, a deep bond, indescribable. Farah smiled thinking of the bond she shared with her specialist once. She remembered a time when they would only talk through their mind during battles, or exchange mental laughs. She remembered the feeling of his smile and of his hugs tugging warmly at her mind. Her smile brightened, she missed that feeling; of peace and belonging.

She was so lost in her memories that she didn’t hear the knocks on the door or notice when after a while and for a change it opened. Footsteps echoed and she looked up. Her eyes met Silva's. He sat on her couch as he had done so many many times before. Farah stood to join him, once again she sat across from him. Her hands neatly folded in her lap. "What did you need?" Farah began to ask, feeling the tension in the air. "Or did Ben say I needed to see you?" She tried to joke. Silva gave her a small smile. Farah smiled back but her smile was quickly replaced by worry. "Seriously, though, what's wrong?" She asked, dearly hoping nothing bad had happened.

Silva cleared his throat and rubbed his face. "I-I miss you..." His voice was small, tentative, as if he was scared she'd push him away. _Again_.

Of all the things she expected he'd say, this wasn't. She thought a student was bothering him or he wanted to reenforce the barrier because someone had crossed it again. She thought he'd tell her about a problem Riven had caused... again. Or say that he had caught Stella entering Sky's suite late at night. But she never thought he had come as a friend to say he missed her, she never planned it and no matter how much she missed him, how many things she wanted to say, she remained speechless, words dying in her throat.

But Silva seemed to have it all planned, he knew her well enough and two months of barely talking didn't change that. Wouldn't change. _Couldn't change that; he knew her more than he knew himself_. He could see in her eyes that she wanted to speak but couldn't, that the words died on her tongue and he was okay with that. He didn't need her or want her to speak tonight, just to listen. Just to understand. Just to _not push him away_.

"Farah," That was a change. He hadn't called her by her first name since that night. Silva sighed when she avoided looking at him. "I-..." He shook his head and laughed in disbelief, he wasn't good at this. _Talking_. Even less when the said talk was about _them. Their relationship_. He wasn't one to share emotions verbally, perhaps that cost them their friendship, their _bond_. He raised his head, that was something he missed terribly: the feeling of _their bond_. The feeling of never being alone. "Farah, I never wanted to push you away that night. I was scared, I was dying and I didn't want to leave you not knowing how I felt but I didn't want to burden you with more 'what ifs'. So I made a bad choice: I left you hanging. I said too little and I hurt you, I know." He paused slightly, eyeing her. The fairy didn't move but he wasn't stopping now, if their relationship, their friendship had to be forever broken, then it would be broken by him and his words. He didn't want her to hold the blame alone, even now he only wanted her happy. So if they'd never be friends again then he would say everything she always wanted to hear, didn't matter if she loved him still. Silva took a breath before continuing. "But Farah, you know I was never good with expressing my feelings, I thought the way I looked at you, the way my hand touched your back, the way I smiled, I thought you'd see it all. I was afraid and I was a coward, because no matter the clues you sent, I never jumped to join you and I hate myself for that. Because all these years I never said anything to protect our friendship, to protect _you_ , the stop you from getting hurt and I failed. I wanted to protect you from everything and I ended up hurting you myself." Silva stopped, the fairy's lack of reaction finally taking its toll on him. "Farah, that night, after you killed the Burned One, I went to your office and I-I was ready to say everything. To confess. I didn't want to loose anymore time, and you shut the door." Tears shone in Silva's eyes and Farah took a shaky breath, but she remained quiet. It was a painful sort of quiet, each time the wind blew through the opened window Silva felt daggers go through his heart. Each time a second passed and she remained quiet, he died a bit more inside. That was it. He had really lost her this time.

Silva stood up, quickly making his way to the door, he couldn't breath, he needed to leave, needed to get away from her and the pain his love brought. His unnecessary love. _Unwanted love_. A love she didn't seem to reciprocate anymore.

His right hand was on the knob and her throat was tight, tears burning in her eyes but she knew. Knew that if he walked out tonight, they were done. Forever. And she couldn't let that happen. Wouldn't let it.

"I was so scared to loose you." She finally found the courage to say. Silva's hand stilled. He closed his eyes. He could hear the tears in her voice. He waited for the 'but' he knew was coming, waited for her rejection...

Turns out he didn't know her that well.

Farah continued. "And I wanted you to know how much I cared and when you said you didn't want to leave me with 'what ifs' I felt this... indescribable weight being lifted off my shoulders. After all these years, you felt something too." Farah took a shaky breath, she didn't know if what she was about to say would make any sense but she knew she _had_ to say it. "And after, when I killed it, I was so afraid. Afraid you had just wanted to ease my pain because-because this was so you: taking care of everybody, taking care of me. I wanted to run to you, I really did but then realisation hit me like a-a brick wall." Farah looked at the ground, her bottom lip trembling, her breath shaky. Silva was leaning against the door, his eyes never leaving her. "If we were to begin a relationship and it didn't work: I would loose you forever and the students would certainly be affected. I-I was so scared I would loose you and hurt our students because of my pain, that I chose the coward's way out: I locked all doors and I pushed away and, the worst thing is; I still lost you. And here you are now, opening you heart to me and I almost let you go." Her eyes closed and tears ran quicker. "And I'm sorry. I'm sorry because I always thought that we could've been something great _if_ one of us had been braver but I was wrong; we both needed to be and I wasn't. Not when it mattered and for that I am sorry, Saul." She opened her eyes to look into his. "You are my best friend, my specialist, my...my everything and I can't imagine a life without you inside my head, and I know you'll never forgive me fully for what I did but-" A strangled sob left her and Farah stopped talking all together, her hands shook, her breath quickened, she was slowly loosing control.

Saul was at her side in seconds. He kneeled in front of her and took hold of her hands, gently tracing soft circles on her palms. He shushed her. "Farah, it's okay. There's nothing to forgive, I'm not blameless either. Hey, you're fine, I'm here and I am not walking through that door. Not unless you want me to, okay?" His voice was gentle, he moved next to her, his left hand not letting hers go, he looped his right arm around her shoulders and held her against him and she cried. She cried and cried. She cried for him, for the pain she caused him and for herself. She cried for them. She just...cried. "You're fine. So am I. We'll get through this, Farah... I promise." And she believed him. He rocked them back and fourth gently. She felt a few tears soak her pink shirt and knew he was crying too. Her right hand left him and went to the back of his neck, gently caressing him, her other hand squeezed his.

Neither knew how long they stayed like that, holding onto each other tightly. But they knew they weren't ready to let go, not yet, not now. Not ever. Farah breathed in deeply, finding comfort in his scent. She felt him rub her back gently. "I've got you, Farah." He whispered against her shoulder over and over.

Finally she pulled away slightly, not quite letting him go, but putting enough distance between them so she could look him in the eyes. She smiled, his eyes were red, hers were probably too. But to her he looked so handsome. And to him she looked even more beautiful. "I love you, Saul Silva." Her voice was barely a whisper and she thought he didn't hear her for a while but then he smiled. He smiled brightly, the smile that he kept for her.

"I love you too, Farah Dowling." He whispered back. Farah chuckled, her hand moving to his cheek. "May I kiss you now?" He asked, his tone was light. Farah nodded and Saul leaned down to press his lips against hers in a gentle, soft, caring kiss. As he kissed her, Farah let the doors keeping him away from her mind open. She felt him smile in the kiss, he let her in too, slowly. For the first time in two months, Farah felt his mind pull her into a gentle hug as he kissed her. For the first time in months, she felt his whisper in the back of her mind. For the first time in months.

They broke apart when their need of air became unbearable, foreheads resting against each others', both smiling brightly. "I love you so much." Saul said again.

"I love you too. _Always and forever_." Farah kissed his cheek. For the first time in two months, all was right in the world. For the first time in two months, she felt safe. For the first time in months, she felt at peace.

She wasn't that scared after all. She just need him to lead her home.

_And home she was_.

The end...

... _Or is it?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> So I think this is the end of this story...  
> I hope you enjoyed it, I know many of you wanted to see Farah and Saul get together in the end.  
> Thank you so much for your comments and kudos! 
> 
> I've got plenty of ideas for Saul and Farah so expect to hear from me soon!
> 
> Bye!


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